Crazy Is My Middle Name

Two imaginary friends sent this defense of central banking and I pass it on for informational purposes…

Satire

This defense of our modern financial system has been written in response to accusations that our current system benefits the political and financial elite at the expense of most others. The authors are:

Dr. Benjamin Crazy Bankster, PhD, and

Dr. Ima Crazy Keynesian, PhD

“We have read that “the fix is in” regarding our financial system. Of course this is not true. The following are perfectly normal examples of sanity and intelligence that conclusively demonstrate that our modern banking and financial system is fair, healthy, sensible, stable, and equitable for all. If you don’t fully understand these, it is likely that you are a person of average intelligence who does not comprehend the complexity of our modern system.

A recent partial audit confirmed that the Fed Reserve created at least $16 Trillion from “thin air” to support banks, major corporations, and foreign banks. Who would call this unfair or inappropriate?

Spain can borrow for 10 years at 1.15% interest. Of course!

Ben Bernanke in 2007: “…we believe the effect of the troubles in the subprime sector on the broader housing market will likely be limited.” (Limited to global disaster, massive loss of wealth, market crashes, and untold misery in Europe, the U.S. and Japan, but ‘limited.’)

Claude Junker, former Prime Minister of Luxembourg and EU leader: “When it becomes serious, you have to lie.” (Lying protects the innocent from unnecessary and burdensome knowledge…)

Several $Trillion in sovereign debt now “pays” negative interest rates. Loan euros to an insolvent government and you are guaranteed to receive less than your “investment” after three to ten years. Who would call this anything but sensible? (Difficult to argue this one…)

The official US gold hoard, if it still exists, is worth approximately $300 Billion. The US government burns through that amount in less than 30 days. The US military and Defense Department spends that amount in a few months. Of course! (Imagine explaining such budgeting to a French or English monarch from 300 years ago.)

“Deficits don’t matter.” A former US vice-president. Hence we can and should borrow more and more forever. (Self-evidently true, obvious, clear, and without consequences…)

Wal-Mart employee: “I earn about $8.00 per hour or about $15,000 per year. I work hard for my meager income. The Federal Reserve added about $4 Trillion to their balance sheet in the last seven years. They created 260,000,000 times my annual salary out of nothing and nobody worked for it like I did. It seems unfairly weighted in favor of the financial elite and against people like me. (Again, the Wal-Mart employee has average intelligence and does not understand the complexities of modern banking and the necessary support for the banking cartel.)

A NINJA loan often occurred during the great real estate bubble of 2006. It was a loan to an applicant who had no income, no job, no assets, but assuredly did have a heartbeat. The mortgage broker earned a commission, the builder profited from selling the house, the banker packaged the loans and earned huge commissions, and taxpayers or someone else paid when the loan defaulted. That is good business and we should encourage similar practices. (Bravo!)

These are all examples of sensible and sane economic practices. Our advice is that everyone should open a U.S. saving account that pays 0.04% interest, or buy a Swiss 10 year bond that guarantees you lose a small percentage each year, even before the inevitable currency devaluation.